Show, Don't Tell - I
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, Character Development for secondary characters and Plot in previous articles.
Storyboards
Storyboards can play a helpful role in enhancing the craft of short story writing, particularly in adhering to the "Show, Don't Tell" principle. By allowing writers to visually map out scenes, storyboards facilitate a deeper focus on depicting actions and interactions. This visual mapping aids in envisioning the physical space and body language of characters, key elements in showing rather than telling a story. Additionally, the process of creating a storyboard naturally encourages a writer to think in terms of imagery and sensory details. This leads to more vivid and descriptive writing, enabling readers to immerse themselves in a scene more as if they were part of the action.
Furthermore, storyboards are invaluable in identifying key moments that require detailed descriptions, thus helping writers flesh out these moments with appropriate dialogue, actions, and settings. This aids in maintaining an effective narrative pace, balancing action, dialogue, and description to ensure a natural flow of events and emotions. Storyboards also provide an opportunity to explore different perspectives, assisting writers in choosing the most impactful viewpoint for their story. They serve as a tool for planning the use of symbolism and metaphors, ensuring these elements are woven consistently throughout the narrative. Lastly, in the revision process, storyboards act as a visual guide, helping writers pinpoint areas that need refinement, thereby streamlining the editing and enhancing the overall quality of the story.
We’ve identified fourteen scenes in our plot. Let’s create a visual for the first when Pandi realises she purchased the wrong ticket.
Our protagonist, Pandi wants to travel to Alappuzha
A miscommunication with the ticket clerk of her intended destination results in the purchase of a ticket to Aluva instead
The train is departing shortly after the ticket purchase, so there was no time to check the ticket before boarding.
Once on the train it dawns on her that she is travelling to the wrong destination.
Pandi makes a decision not to get off the train, but to gather her bearings upon reaching Aluva where this scene closes.
First Attempt
In a previous article on Points of View we ended with a first person narrative with which to visualise:
Standing amidst the swirling colours and sounds of the train station, I feel a familiar surge of excitement. Today's destination: Alappuzha. Or so I think, as I try my best to convey this to the ticket clerk. His puzzled look adds to the charm of this moment, a testament to the adventurous unpredictability of travel. Ticket in hand, I rush to catch the train, barely noticing the fellow traveler who tries to catch my attention. Maybe he has a story to share, a piece of advice, but in my haste, I smile politely and move on. There's no time for chit-chat, I think, Alappuzha awaits.
It's only when I settle into my seat, the train humming beneath me, that I examine my ticket. Aluva, it reads. Not Alappuzha. A mix-up. A sinking feeling washes over me, and I can't help but wonder about the stranger at the station. Could he have known, tried to warn me? In my eagerness to stick to my plans, I'd shut out an opportunity for connection, for that shared wisdom travelers often have. There's a pang of regret, a realisation that sometimes the journey isn't just about the places we go, but the people we meet along the way.
As the train carries me further from where I intended to go, I gaze out at the passing scenery, each frame a reminder of the unexpected turns life can take. This trip to Aluva, unplanned and uncharted, now holds a different kind of adventure. It's a lesson in itself - not just in the importance of clear communication, but in the value of the fleeting connections we encounter. Each person we cross paths with carries a piece of the puzzle, a key to a smoother journey, a story, or a lesson. Today, I learn that sometimes, reaching out, taking that offered piece of advice, can make all the difference in the journey we undertake.
Reviewing this first attempt, Grok says that although there are some good ideas here, we need to be careful not to brood over too many life lessons so early in the story!
Let’s checkout how ChatGPT visualises this with a storyboard of our first scene.
Now let’s use some of this imagery to tease out more details in our scene, and get ChatGPT to visualise the additional ideas like a storyboard
We want our story to begin with chaos, mirroring Pandi’s situation, so let’s include more detailed descriptions of the train setting off
ChatGPT uses the atmosphere of a busy Indian train station to add to the chaos
Amidst the cacophony of the train station, where shouts clashed with the shrill whistles of trains and the frenzied hustle of the crowd, I stand, my heart racing. The air is thick with a blend of exhaust, street food, and the sharp tang of anticipation. Today's destination looms in my mind: Alappuzha. But in this whirlwind of sensory overload, even conveying this simple goal to the ticket clerk becomes a battle against the pandemonium.
Grok wants the miscommunication to start the anxiety
Pandi's heart raced as she tried to explain her destination to the ticket clerk. Her words came out in a jumbled mess, and the clerk's confused expression only added to her growing anxiety.
Let’s include a beat where Pandi gets comfortable on the train ready for the next journey on her adventure. This might be a good place to describe our protagonist and allude to how she came to be in this situation in the first place.
ChatGPT brings in a nice idea. Perhaps Pandi realises the mistake by looking at her phone. This also gives a good sense to describe Pandi’s character to the reader
As Pandi steps into the lively compartment, her senses are invigorated by the buzz of the train's atmosphere. She finds an empty seat and quickly stows her backpack in the space above. Settling in, she can't help but feel a tingle of excitement at the thought of exploring Alappuzha’s charm. She scrolls through pictures of the destination on her phone, smiling at strangers who pass by. The train’s gentle sway adds to her growing anticipation, her heart dancing to the rhythm of the rails. Unbeknownst to her, the ticket in her pocket charts a course not to Alappuzha, but to a different adventure altogether in Aluva.
Grok focuses on a relaxing scene, but falling asleep isn’t quite what we’re after
Pandi, with a smile on her face, stretches her legs and leans back in the cushioned seat of the train, relishing the gentle rocking motion as the train chugs along. She closes her eyes, unaware of the mistake that awaits her, and lets the rhythm of the journey lull her into a peaceful sleep.
Why did she want to travel to Alappuzha? Does she have an ultimate destination? Why that place?
It is important for the broader narrative that Pandi eventually reach Uttiramerur. So we need to describe to the reader that the train to Alappuzha is only a stepping stone on a larger journey. Eg) there is a bus that only leaves once a week from Alappuzha to Thiruvananthapirum to Chennai which stops at Uttiramerur. Why she wants to visit a small village in Tamil Nadu is a story for another time!
The short story likely loses its urgency if we include a backstory and exposition which isn’t relevant to the narrative of this particular story so we should be careful with too many unnecessary details
How does she come to realise the mistake? Is there a ticket inspector who informs her? Can we eke out some more information about her character if she is the one to realise the mistake?
ChatGPT has the idea to use landmarks and scenery
As the landscape rolls by her window, Pandi admires the changing scenery, looking forward to the familiar sights that lead to Alappuzha. However, she slowly begins to notice that the landmarks and terrain don't match her expectations. Confused, she pulls out a map, comparing it against the passing views. The realization dawns on her as the geographical inconsistencies become clear – she's en route to a different destination. This discovery, rooted in her awareness and observation of the natural world around her, highlights her connection to the journey itself and the importance of staying present and attentive.
Grok raises the possibility of another passenger
While on the train, Pandi strikes up a conversation with a fellow passenger who is also headed to Alappuzha. The passenger mentions the train's final destination, and Pandi realizes her mistake.
How does she resolve to continue the journey to Aluva? How long is that journey?
The train to Aluva from Kochi (the only station that services these two places) is only a 25 minute journey. As opposed to the journey to Alappuzha which can take as long as 85 minutes. This discrepancy could also be used to realise that a wrong ticket has been purchased.
Forcing the narrative here is the short travel time which will lead in to the next scene. Having no money and with the ATM not working, an alternative will need to be found and our story can move forward.
One of the generative AI depictions of these plot lines include a nice visualisation of birds flying away once Aluva is reached - is there some analogy or word magic we can think of to capture that scene and keep the narrative coherent?
ChatGPT beautifully makes the analogy soar
As Pandi hurriedly boards the train she disrupts a group of birds that ascend into the sky, initially sitting comfortably on a familiar platform, they are suddenly compelled to find a new resting place. Pandi watches as they skillfully navigate to food scraps on a quiet part of the platform, unfazed by the change - accidental displacement affording an opportunity for new exploration.
Grok tersely delivers a less poetic analogy, perhaps better suited to a Show, Don't Tell short story
The once-orderly and smooth journey is thrown into disarray, and the birds must quickly adapt and react to the new circumstances.
Storyboarding this first plot line has helped with a new set of ideas and to fill in some unknowns by answering questions about the scene.
Breaking the story down into panels, we were able to focus on the most important aspects of the story, ensuring that every detail is necessary for the progression of the plot. An intricate exploration of characters' expressions, settings, and the flow of action, will hopefully make it more natural for us to craft scenes with rich, show-don’t-tell descriptions. This method also helps to identify any potential plot holes or inconsistencies before the writing process begins, saving the effort of drafts and redrafts in the long run.
Our next article will need to tackle segueing into the second scene, escalating the tone when upon arriving at Aluva, Pandi's quick fix plan to just purchase another ticket stumbles at the first hurdle when her ATM card doesn’t work.
Thanks
ChatGPT, Midjourney and Grok were using to create the storyboard of this first scene.