Show, Don't Tell - IX
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. Now we are stepping through each plot line.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard IX
After an introduction to Hari, the elderly tea plantation owner, Pandi has been invited to make some tea with him and to tell the story of how she came to be at the tea-making contest.
While haphazardly making the tea (perhaps the plantation owner is amused at how unusually she mixes water, steeps the tea and adds milk, sugar and honey), Pandi enthusiastically talks about her home town, growing up with her best friend Tili, how she came to be in India in the first place and her recent misadventure on the Indian train network.
The plantation owner listens attentively, particularly when she mentions the ultimate goal of travelling to Uttiramerur - a small village in Tamil Nadu.
This interaction should be described in such a way that the best elements of our protagonist are emphasised. She is an adaptable and open-minded individual, resilient and open to unexpected opportunities, has a cooperative and adventurous spirit and embodies a sociable nature and genuine interest in connecting with others.
There is no need to detail the dialog, this can be worked on in an upcoming article. The goal of this scene is that we describe the ease at which she puts the tea plantation owner as she tells her story.
Hari has a gracious and appreciative nature and places enormous value on meaningful interactions, reflecting a depth of character.
The scene should end just as Pandi and Hari begin to try the tea.
Let’s see how Grok and ChatGPT imagine this scene
Collaboration
Grok starts rigidly and doesn’t quite understand the previous elements of the story. There aren’t too many original ideas here, merely a retelling of our detailed prompt
I stood in the midst of the bustling tea plantation, watching the teams prepare for the tea-making contest. The air was thick with excitement and the scent of freshly-brewed tea. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about how far I'd come, both geographically and personally.
My name is Pandi, an 18-year-old from Kalumburu, Western Australia. I've always been a good and friendly communicator, and my adaptability and open-mindedness have led me to embrace new experiences, like my current adventure in India.
Just a few weeks ago, I had arrived in India with a group of British tourists to explore the country's rich culture and history. I had always been fascinated by India, and the opportunity to visit was too good to pass up.
As I stood there, watching the tea-making teams, an elderly man approached me. He was the owner of the tea plantation, and he had a warm smile that instantly put me at ease. He invited me to join him in making some tea, and I eagerly accepted.
As we began to prepare the tea, I couldn't help but share my story with him. I told him about my best friend Tili, our adventures growing up in Kalumburu, and how I had come to be in India in the first place. I also told him about my recent misadventure on the Indian train network and how I had managed to overcome the issue with my ATM card.
Throughout my story, the plantation owner listened attentively, his eyes filled with kindness and understanding. When I mentioned my ultimate goal of visiting a small village in Tamil Nadu, he seemed genuinely interested in my journey.
As we finished preparing the tea, I realized how easily I had opened up to this stranger. It was a testament to the warmth and hospitality of the Indian people, and I felt grateful for the opportunity to connect with someone from a completely different background.
The plantation owner and I clinked our cups together and took a sip of the tea we had just made. The flavors danced on my tongue, a perfect blend of sweet and bitter. In that moment, I felt a sense of contentment wash over me.
I knew that this was just the beginning of my journey, and I was eager to see what other adventures lay ahead. But for now, I was content to sit and enjoy a cup of tea with a new friend, sharing stories and laughter in the warm Indian sun.
ChatGPT also has a rigid approach, robotically describing Pandi’s age and background. We were attempting to create a scenario where Pandi was so eager to tell her story that she doesn’t really focus on the tea making. There are a few good ideas here, in that the storytelling is spread across the concept of tea making and the beat before the first sip of the tea is a clever device that will lead to the next scene seamlessly
As I stood there in the heart of the Munnar tea plantation, surrounded by the lush greenery that seemed to stretch endlessly, I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement and a bit of nervousness. I, Pandi, an 18-year-old from Kalumburu, Western Australia, found myself in the company of Hari, the elderly and wise owner of this vast expanse of tea. The air was filled with the vibrant energy of the tea-making contest, but in our little corner, it was just Hari and me, embarking on a tea-making adventure of our own.
There I was, haphazardly trying to make sense of the tea-making process. Hari watched, his face breaking into a gentle, amused smile as I mixed water, steeped the tea, and perhaps a bit too eagerly added milk, sugar, and even honey. It was all so different from anything I had done back home, and I couldn't help but laugh at my own clumsy attempts.
As I fumbled with the teapot, I began to share my story with Hari. My words flowed as freely as the tea from the pot, telling him about my small hometown of Kalumburu, the endless adventures I had with my best friend Tili, and the sheer coincidence that brought me to this beautiful part of India. My enthusiasm bubbled over as I recounted the recent mishaps on the Indian train network, the comical yet frustrating moment when my ATM card stopped working, and the unexpected turns that led me to this very moment.
Hari listened with an attentiveness that made me feel like my story was the most important one he had ever heard. His eyes twinkled with interest, especially when I mentioned my ultimate goal of reaching Uttiramerur, a small village in Tamil Nadu. There was something about the way he nodded and smiled that made me feel at ease, as if he understood the deeper meaning behind my journey.
In that moment, I felt a connection not just to Hari, but to this place, to the very soil of Kerala that nurtured these tea plants. I realized that, despite the distance from Kalumburu to Munnar, there was a common thread of humanity, of shared experiences and dreams.
As we finished preparing the tea, Hari and I took a moment to admire our creation. The steam rose from the cups, carrying with it the rich aroma of the tea. We were about to taste the fruit of our joint effort, a symbol of the friendship and understanding that had blossomed between us. I held the cup in my hands, feeling its warmth seeping into my skin, a physical reminder of the warmth of the connection I had made with Hari, and with this beautiful land of India.
First Attempt
Taking in all these ideas and leaning on our own intuition for how the scene should playout, here is a more refined take on this scene.
As I fiddled with the teapot in front of me, my mind was far more occupied with the stories bubbling inside of me, eager to spill out, than with the intricate art of tea-making. While teams of experts were meticulously crafting their supreme versions of tea, here it was just Hari and me, and my somewhat chaotic attempt.
I started with the water, sharing with Hari the story of my home in Kalumburu, my voice laced with nostalgia. When the water boilee, I moved on to steeping the tea, my actions more automatic than thoughtful, lost in the tale of my adventures with Tili, my best friend back home. The laughter and energy of those memories seemed to infuse the air around us.
With each step, from adding the milk to the last spoon of sugar, my stories continued to unfold. I recounted my somewhat comedic misadventures on the Indian train network, and the unexpected twist of my ATM card ceasing to work, my words painting a vivid picture of each chaotic yet memorable moment.
But it was when I mentioned my ultimate destination, Uttiramerur, that I noticed a distinct change in Hari. His already attentive demeanor shifted to one of heightened enthusiasm. He leaned in, his eyes sparkling with a mix of curiosity and delight. It was as though the name of the village had struck a chord with him, unlocking a well of excitement and interest.
Hari's questions about Uttiramerur were thoughtful and full of an eagerness that matched my own. His fascination was palpable, his every gesture showing a deep appreciation for the journey and its significance. There was a sense of connection in his enthusiasm, a shared understanding of the allure of small, uncharted places. Their hidden stories and their latent prospects.
In that moment, as we finished preparing the tea, it felt like our worlds had come together over a simple cup of tea and a shared curiosity. The steam rising from our cups seemed to carry with it not just the aroma of the tea but the essence of our newfound camaraderie. Hari's attentiveness to my story made the tea-making experience something far more profound than a mere brew; it was a weaving of stories, dreams, and connections.
Thanks
ChatGPT and Grok were used to create the storyboard for this plot line.
A sample interaction:
