Show, Don't Tell - IV
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. Now we are stepping through each plot line.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard IV
After a sequence where we have built tension, we will now dissolve Pandi’s anxiety with a potential solution as an optometrist approaches and offers help.
The choice of an optometrist is somewhat autobiographical. I fund myself in a similar situatin during my first Indian trip. Not sure of what to do next, I volunteered to help the Lion’s Club run a World Sight Day popup clinic at a train station. This desire to stay active opened opportunities that would not have been available if I had let the worry consume me.
This encounter introduces a new character and offers a solution to Pandi's immediate problem, driving the plot.
Previously in an article on Character Development, we imagined the optometrist as a good communicator and collaborative. Running a pop-up clinic on World Sight Day suggests a community-minded approach, involving others in a collective effort to raise awareness and making a difference using the skills they have been blessed with. The effort it takes to provide community outreach initiatives in India hints at an industrious persona.
This event takes place on World Sight Day ( usually held Mid-October ) which could give us some room to include the environment in our description. In Kerala, the weather during October is a time of increased rainfall with the temperature approaching 30°C (86°F). Perhaps the optometrist reaches out as a recent rainfall is giving way to sunny day?
Our narrative summary provides a glimpse into the optometrist's helpful demeanour, however other details such as a name and even gender will be left to work out by our AI collaborators. We will prompt the AI with these images and see what they make of the scene.
ChatGPT offers up Dr. Aravind or Dr. Nisha as alternatives. I was impressed at the suggestion of Dr. Aravind - a fitting name, given that it was related to the optometrists that I helped during my own travels in Kerala. See for example Aravind's Pledge for World Sight Day
In the bustling hum of the train station, where passengers rush and announcements echo, stands an optometrist whose presence commands a quiet corner of this chaotic world. His glasses rest precisely on the bridge of his nose, framing intelligent, observant eyes that miss nothing – not the slight hesitation in a person's step nor the squint of their gaze as they read the departure board. He could be Dr. Aravind, a name that speaks of heritage and a keen intellect, or perhaps he's Dr. Nisha, a woman whose slight frame belies the strength of her dedication to her craft. Regardless of the name or gender, this character exudes an aura of calm competence, a reassuring presence among the flurry of transient lives. Their pop-up clinic, a bastion of assistance, stands out as a place of respite, the optometrist's smile a subtle invitation to those who might not even realize they were looking for help.
Grok is more procedural with a response, not really offering anything creative with our admittedly bare prompt
Alternative names: a. Dr. Ananth b. Dr. Priya c. Dr. Vasanth d. Dr. Kavitha
Summary description: Dr. Ananth/Priya/Vasanth/Kavitha is a compassionate and communicative South Indian optometrist from Kerala, running a pop-up clinic at Aluva station on World Sight Day. They have a collaborative and community-minded approach, striving to make a difference through their optometry skills and providing eye care services to those in need.
Gender: Dr. Ananth/Priya/Vasanth/Kavitha could be of any gender, as the names provided can be either male or female.
Now let’s imagine a helpful Dr. Aravind noticing a worried Pandi, engaging in some discussion to understand her problem and offering her a potential solution.
ChatGPT - besides using cacophony again! (Oops, forgot to mention not to use that word!) we really love this description. There are significant enough detail to follow the action. The dialog is sweet and there are some interesting ideas.
The hum of Aluva station is a cacophony that does little to soothe my fraying nerves. I sit on the cold, hard bench, my anxious thoughts darting like the swifts in the twilight sky back home. The ticket in my hand is a reminder of my misstep, a paper emblem of my current plight. I'm about to pull out my phone, to lose myself in the digital gloss of distraction when he approaches. Dr. Aravind, the optometrist, his pop-up clinic banner fluttering gently in the breeze that's chasing away the rain's remnants.
His voice is a warm balm on the coolness of the day, his words spoken with an ease that's almost melodic. "Trouble with your vision or trouble with the journey?" he asks, a twinkle in his eye, as if he already knows that my problem isn't something his lenses can correct. I can't help but crack a smile, despite the worry. It's been hours since I've felt this at ease.
The offer comes as a surprise — a ride to Alappuzha but only after his day's work is done. In return, I could lend a hand with his mission, spreading the word about the importance of eye health on World Sight Day. I agree without hesitation. The idea of doing something, of being useful, slices through my anxiety like sunlight through the clouds. It's an unexpected lifeline, pulling me from the quagmire of my own troubles.
As I stand at the entrance of the station, leaflets in hand, I feel a sense of purpose infusing me. The earlier rainfall has abated, and the warmth of the nearing 30°C heat envelops me, a stark contrast to the cool drizzles of the morning. The hustle of the crowd has a different rhythm now, one that I'm part of, as I become an advocate for Dr. Aravind's cause. It's a dance of give and take, of speaking and being heard, and in this exchange, my own problems seem to shrink, overshadowed by the collective effort of caring for others.
It's not just about sight, I realize, as I hand out another leaflet with a genuine smile. It's about insight, about seeing the opportunities in the obstacles, the hope in the challenges. Dr. Aravind's friendly demeanor and his willingness to help are not just a relief; they're a reminder that kindness can be the clearest vision of all. And as I watch him interact with the patients, his dedication evident in every gesture, I know that this detour was perhaps meant to be. It's a lesson in itself — that sometimes, the most unexpected paths lead us exactly where we need to go.
Grok attempts to create an entire story out of this one scene, and while some of the references are butchered there are some good descriptive ideas here. The depiction of the weather could be rolled into a more interesting narrative
I sat on the wooden bench at the Aluva station, my mind consumed by worries as the rain pattered against the windowpanes. The date was October 10th, 2023 - World Sight Day. I had been waiting for a train to take me to Alappuzha, but my anxiety was growing with each passing moment.
As the rain began to subside, I noticed a man in his mid-30s approaching me. He was wearing a white coat and carrying a briefcase. He smiled and introduced himself as Dr. Aravind, an optometrist running a pop-up clinic at the train station.
"Excuse me, sir," he said in a gentle voice. "I couldn't help but notice that you look a bit worried. Is there anything I can do to help?"
His kind words and warm smile instantly put me at ease. I explained my situation to him, and he listened intently, nodding in understanding. When I finished, he offered me a solution.
"I understand how you feel," he said. "I'm also on my way to Alappuzha, but I won't be leaving until the end of the day. If you'd like, you can help me hand out leaflets and promote my pop-up clinic in the meantime. It's World Sight Day, after all, and we could use an extra pair of hands. In return, I'd be happy to give you a ride to Alappuzha when I leave."
I eagerly agreed, relieved to have found a solution to my problem. As I stood up to join him, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the unexpected encounter. Dr. Aravind's friendly demeanor and willingness to help a stranger in need had turned my anxiety into a sense of purpose.
Together, we walked out into the station, the sun peeking through the clouds, casting a golden glow on the wet pavement. The rain had brought a sense of freshness to the air, and the scent of wet earth filled my nose. I smiled, realizing that sometimes, the most unexpected encounters can bring a ray of sunshine on a rainy day.
First Attempt
Let’s combine the best of these responses and some of our own ideas into our own telling of the narrative
I noticed the sound of raindrops creating a soothing patter against the window panes start to abate. To this point they had been lost to the shadow of my growing worry.
As the last whispers of rain ceased and the sun broke through the clouds in a triumphant glint, a similarly warm voice sounded behind me with an ease that was almost melodic. "Trouble with your vision or trouble with the journey?".
A man in a white coat had shuffled over to me from a small booth in the corner of the station close to the ATM I had used a moment ago. The booth was a pop-up clinic with banners fluttering gently in the breeze bearing the Lion’s Club insignia.
He introduced himself with a friendly smile as Dr. Aravind, his words and warm smile instantly putting me at ease. I explained my situation to him, and he listened intently, nodding in understanding.
Just as I finished, he mentioned that he lived in Alappuzha and extended a lifeline, proposing a trade of sorts. His journey back home was not until dusk, and until then, I could assist him, turning my aimless waiting into a meaningful pursuit. Today was World Sight Day and his mission was spreading the word about the importance of eye health offering free check ups and advice to those travelling through the station.
Relief washed over me as I accepted his offer. Standing beside him, leaflets in hand, the warmth of the emerging sun seemed to mirror the warmth I felt within. The station's hustle resumed around us, now I stood not as a solitary figure adrift but as part of a collective effort, my earlier isolation replaced by a newfound camaraderie.
As I started handing leaflets to passersby and directing interested travellers toward the clinic, it struck me that perhaps this was more than mere happenstance. Dr. Aravind's offer, his simple act of kindness, had not only dispelled the looming clouds of my anxiety but had also reframed my perspective. It was a reminder that within every unforeseen detour, there's a chance for connection, a lesson in compassion, and the possibility of clear skies ahead.
In our next article, we will move the story forward and build up to an unexpected twist as Pandi helps out with the optometrist's clinic
Thanks
Grok and ChatGPT were used to create the storyboard of this first scene. Here is a sample interaction
