Show, Don't Tell - V
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. Now we are stepping through each plot line.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard V
Pandi has been offered a solution to her immediate problem. Dr. Aravind the optometrist who was running a popup clinic at Aluva station on the day Pandi arrived has offered to drive her to Alappuzha in exchange for promoting the clinic by handing out leaflets and directing them toward the clinic.
The next scene provides a beat or small pause as Pandi helps out with the optometrist's clinic just prior to the introduction of another solution which will provide our protagonist with a choice.
This scene should contain several anecdotes or situations that Pandi experiences while handing out leaflets promoting the pop up clinic. Perhaps the anecdotes will influence her decision, restore faith and confidence in her own skills or dissuade her from merely taking small steps on a journey and have her taking risks instead.
Let’s see what type of anecdotes our Tool AI collaborators come up with for such a prompt
come up with five anecdotes - situations that Pandi experiences while handing out leaflets for the popup clinic at Aluva Station in Kerala India
Grok provides some nice variety. The one about asking for directions might be a way we can segue this scene to the next where we are introduced to the British Tourist characters.
A group of young children eagerly approach Pandi, curious about the pop-up clinic and the leaflets she's handing out. As she explains the importance of eye care, the children listen intently and ask many questions. One child even offers to help Pandi hand out the leaflets, and soon, a small team of enthusiastic children is spreading the word about the clinic throughout the station.
An elderly woman, seeing Pandi's efforts to promote the pop-up clinic, shares her own story of how regular eye exams and proper care have helped her maintain her vision despite her age. She thanks Pandi for her work and encourages him to keep spreading the message about the importance of eye care.
A busy commuter rushes past Pandi, clearly in a hurry. As he passes, he accidentally knocks Pandi's stack of leaflets out of her hands, scattering them all over the ground. Before Pandi can react, the commuter stops, turns around, and helps him pick up the leaflets, apologizing for his carelessness. They share a laugh and the commuter thanks Pandi for the reminder to take care of his own eye health.
A family of tourists approaches Pandi, asking for directions to a nearby attraction. As she points them in the right direction, he also takes the opportunity to tell them about the pop-up clinic. The family is grateful for the information and even decides to visit the clinic to have their eyes checked before continuing their travels.
A local artist, inspired by Pandi's dedication to the pop-up clinic, offers to create a colorful, eye-catching sign to help draw more attention to the clinic. The artist's work not only attracts more people to the clinic but also sparks conversations about the importance of eye care and the impact of community initiatives like the pop-up clinic.
ChatGPT provides some stunning variety here, each one worthy of our story. Given suchn quality we will try to merge them into some type of literary collage. During a later editing phase, it may be necessary to cut some of these, but it is a worthwhile exercise to see how they could be weaved into our story
The Skeptical Traveler: Pandi approaches a middle-aged man, his brows furrowed in concentration over a newspaper. She offers him a leaflet, but he's skeptical, questioning the need for an eye checkup when his vision has been 'perfect' for years. With a patient smile, Pandi shares a story Dr. Aravind told her about early detection of common eye issues. Intrigued, the man folds his newspaper under his arm and heads to the pop-up clinic, his skepticism turning into curiosity thanks to Pandi's persuasive anecdote.
The Concerned Mother: A woman balancing a toddler on her hip waits in line for tickets, her eyes tired. Pandi hands her a leaflet, and the woman shakes her head, too burdened with care to consider her own health. Pandi gently suggests that healthy eyesight means watching her child grow up without hindrance. This strikes a chord with the mother, who thanks Pandi and makes her way to the clinic, her initial resistance softened by a shared understanding of a mother's love.
The Rushed Businessman: A businessman in a crisp suit rushes past, but Pandi manages to slip a leaflet into his busy hands. He almost dismisses it but pauses when Pandi mentions how a quick check could save him from headaches during long hours at the computer. The thought of improved comfort during work sways him, and he adjusts his schedule to visit Dr. Aravind, a testament to Pandi's quick thinking.
The Group of Schoolchildren: A school field trip bustles through the station. Pandi seizes the chance, offering leaflets to the teachers. She kneels to explain to curious children how eyes are like super cameras, sparking their imagination. The teachers, impressed by Pandi's way with words, agree to a group visit. The children's laughter fills the clinic, turning a routine checkup into a fun excursion.
The Old Poet: An elderly man sits alone, scribbling verses in a worn notebook. Pandi offers a leaflet, and they end up discussing the beauty of the written word and how clear vision can connect us more deeply with the world. Moved by her appreciation for his poetry, the man visits the clinic, his initial solitude lifted by a shared appreciation for the arts.
First Attempt
Let’s try that now and weave these responses into our own telling of the narrative
As I handed out leaflets and directed travellers toward the clinic, I realised that my efforts were making a real impact. I saw the curiosity and interest in people's eyes as they listened to my stories and experiences. I witnessed the smiles on children's faces as they learned about their "super camera" eyes, and the relief in the eyes of the elderly poet as he discovered a newfound appreciation for the world around him.
The gratitude I felt for the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others was overwhelming. Even the smallest actions can have a profound impact on those around us. My worries had been replaced with a sense of accomplishment.
Walking through the station, I felt like a different person than the one who had arrived just a few hours ago.
A group of children gather around me, their eyes wide with curiosity at the colourful leaflets in my hands. “What’s this for, Chechi?” one of them asks, his head tilting up at me. I crouch to his level, explaining how eyes are like the lenses of a camera, capturing the world for us to remember. One small girl, with a gap-toothed grin, offers to help distribute leaflets. Before I know it, I'm leading a small army of earnest little volunteers, their laughter a merry chorus amid the station’s constant thrum.
An elderly woman, her hair the colour of the dissipating clouds above, shares with me her tale of vision regained through such clinics. Her gratitude, woven with words of encouragement, is a gentle reminder of why this work matters. "You're doing good, child," she says, and I feel a kinship that crosses the boundaries of age and geography.
In the flurry, a businessman in a hurry collides with me, sending a cascade of leaflets fluttering like lost birds. He apologises and helps me gather them, his frustration softening into a chuckle. He says something in what I guess is Malayalam which I take to mean "Suppose it's a sign to slow down, eh?" He takes a leaflet with him as he strides away, a little slower this time.
A local artist, drawn to the cause, gifts us with a sign, a vibrant beacon that draws more souls into our fold. It’s as if his brushstrokes paint a brighter future, not just for those who come seeking aid but for me, in realising the impact one can have.
The day’s encounters, like threads, weave a tapestry of connection that I never knew I could be a part of.
However it's the group of jolly elderly British tourists who bring a smile to my face. They huddle together, attempting to decipher a map of the station with each member of the group at first confidently and then hesitantly pointing in the direction they need to go, the very picture of cheerful confusion. As I approach them, leaflets in hand, ready to offer guidance, I mutter under my breath "What story will they leave with me?"
This last line admittedly needs to be a little more dynamic. I asked ChatGPT for some alternatives but all alternatives were equally flat. Perhaps this will be a job to clean up in that future editing article.
For now this serves our narrative as a lead in to our next plot point: Pandi meets British tourists who offer her a ride
Thanks
ChatGPT and Grok were used to create the storyboard and many creative ideas for this scene. Sample interaction
