Show, Don't Tell - VI
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. Now we are stepping through each plot line.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard VI
This plot point is where Pandi meets British tourists who offer her a ride. The offer comes shortly after our protagonist has completed her day volunteering with the optometrist. This means she already has a good offer to continue her journey, so need to ensure the offer from the British tourists trumps that offer.
The optometrist was offering to drive her to Alappuzha, which was but a stepping stone of her ultimate journey to Uttiramerur. Our narrative overview indicates that the British Tourists will be travelling to Thiruvananthapuram, the state capital of Kerala.
The British Tourists are travelling to Thiruvananthapuram, the capital of Kerala, on a tour bus via Munnar where a tea making contest is being held. The Brits say that Pandi can join the tour bus if she doesn’t mind the stop.
Our AI collaborators Grok and ChatGPT suggest reasons such as broader exploration, participating in the experience at Munnar and an opportunity for unexpected adventure as reasons why Pandi would choose this new alternative, however there needs to be a more pragmatic reason, and the only way for Pandi to continue her journey would be an opportunity to resolve her money issues. What if one of the British tourists suggested that they experienced the same ATM issue as Pandi and that their problem was fixed using the ATM at Thiruvananthapuram train station?
This is a tricky piece of writing, as it needs to progress the story and present Pandi with a realistic decision that feels natural for her to take.
With all of this in mind, how do Grok and ChatGPT imagine this scene?
Grok answer lacks the finesse we have gotten used to seeing from some earlier scenes. The importance of this scene to capture a complex and emotional decision making process in a beautiful way is not easy. With that said there are several ideas here we can adopt and then adapt in our presentation of the narrative
As I stood in the bustling train station, the scent of spices and the hum of conversations filling the air, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment after a day of volunteering with Dr. Aravind. The optometrist's dedication to providing eye care to those in need was truly inspiring. But as I thought about my journey ahead, my dwindling cash reserves and the uncooperative ATM at the station weighed on my mind.
Just as I was about to accept Dr. Aravind's offer to drive me to Alappuzha, a stepping stone on my way to Uttiramerur, a group of British tourists approached me with an intriguing proposition. They were headed to Thiruvananthapuram, the state capital of Kerala, on a tour bus, and they were more than happy to have me join them. The catch? They were taking a detour to Munnar for a tea making contest.
My curiosity piqued, I couldn't help but consider the offer. The chance to participate in a local event and experience the picturesque tea plantations of Munnar was tempting. And as I weighed my options, one of the tourists mentioned that they had faced the same ATM issue as me and that their problem was resolved at the Thiruvananthapuram train station.
The pragmatic part of my brain kicked in. If I could fix my cash issue in Thiruvananthapuram, I wouldn't have to worry about running out of money during my journey. Plus, the opportunity to explore Munnar and join the tea making contest seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
With a mix of excitement and apprehension, I decided to take a leap of faith and join the British tourists on their detour to Munnar. As I climbed aboard the tour bus, I couldn't help but wonder what other unexpected adventures lay ahead.
ChatGPT does a much better job at capturing the mood of the scene we intend
As the day draws to a close, I stand outside the pop-up clinic, feeling a satisfying weariness from a day well spent helping Dr. Aravind. My mind keeps replaying the moments of the day - the smiles, the gratitude, the stories. Each encounter at the clinic was a small thread weaving into the fabric of my journey here in India. But amidst this tapestry of experiences, a worry nags at me - my dwindling cash reserves and the uncooperative ATM at the station.
Just as I’m pondering over Dr. Aravind’s kind offer to drive me to Alappuzha, a lively group of British tourists catches my attention. They're gathered around, animatedly discussing their next stop – Thiruvananthapuram, via the scenic town of Munnar for a tea making contest. Their excitement is infectious, and I find myself drawn to their conversation.
One of them, noticing my curious gaze, waves me over. “Hello there! Fancy joining us for a bit of an adventure?” he asks with a broad smile. I hesitate for a moment, considering Dr. Aravind's offer. But then, the thought of participating in the tea making contest and the lure of the unexpected adventure in Munnar stirs something within me.
As we chat, I mention my predicament with the ATM. “Oh, we had the same issue!” exclaims one of the tourists, a woman with a warm, reassuring voice. “But we found that the ATMs at Thiruvananthapuram station worked just fine. You should be able to sort it out there.”
That settles it. Not only does the trip promise new experiences and sights, but it also offers a practical solution to my financial dilemma. The decision feels right, like a serendipitous nudge towards a path I'm meant to take.
“Count me in,” I reply, my voice ringing with a newfound excitement. The prospect of traveling to Thiruvananthapuram, a solution to my cash problem, and the adventure of Munnar's tea-making contest weave together into an opportunity too enticing to pass up.
As I climb aboard the tour bus with my new companions, a sense of adventure washes over me. The buzz of their conversations, the plans for Munnar, and the promise of Thiruvananthapuram fill me with a sense of purpose and direction. It's a stark contrast to the uncertainty that clouded my mind just hours ago.
Looking out the bus window, the station recedes into the background, and I realize this is more than just a journey across Kerala. It’s a journey into the heart of experiences, encounters, and the unexpected twists that life throws my way. With a heart full of gratitude and a mind open to the adventures ahead, I'm ready for whatever comes next on this winding road through India.
First Attempt
Taking in all these ideas and leaning on Grok for some of the dialog and Dr. Aravind’s wise words, here is my take on this scene. The Proust idea and quote wasn’t a direct idea from Generative AI but it was inspired by some additional prompts of the type of thing Dr. Aravind, an optometrist, would say upon departing the narrative
Standing amidst the lively atmosphere of Aluva station, I found myself at a crossroads. The day spent assisting Dr. Aravind had been enriching, immersing me in the warmth of genuine service and connection. Yet, the pressing issue of my dwindling funds cast a shadow over my thoughts. The station, with its blend of spices and myriad conversations, seemed to echo my own mix of fulfilment and apprehension.
I approach the British tourists, their friendly demeanour and obvious need for direction something I can definitely help with after becoming familiar with the station throughout the course of the day. All they needed was directions to where their tour bus was waiting for them to board. I had earlier seen a brightly coloured bus several hundred meters from the station.
As I escorted them to where their Bus was waiting, I mentioned my predicament with the ATM. “Oh, we had the same issue!” exclaims one of the tourists, a woman with a warm, reassuring voice. “But we found that the ATMs at Thiruvan….Theeruvan…..I think the locals call it Trivandrum now, worked just fine. You should be able to sort it out there.”
She continued “We are heading back there after our tea making competition in Munnar.”
As if reading my thoughts, one of the tourists asks with a broad smile “We’ve booked out the whole bus and have some spare seats. Fancy joining us for a bit of an adventure?”
The invitation to join them sparked a flicker of excitement in me. Not only did their plan offer a solution to my financial predicament, but it also promised a richer, more adventurous journey than the uncertainty option of just getting to Alappuzha.
With a heart brimming with gratitude for Dr. Aravind's kindness and a spirit ignited by the prospect of new adventures, I made my decision. I would join the British tourists on their scenic detour. This choice felt like a natural extension of the day's earlier experiences – a continuation of embracing the unexpected and finding joy in the journey.
I approached Dr. Aravind, who was busy tidying up the remnants of the day's clinic. My heart was a mix of gratitude and nervous anticipation about the decision I had just made.
"Dr. Aravind," I began, my voice tinged with sincere appreciation, "I can't thank you enough for everything today. Your kindness and the opportunity to help at the clinic have been incredible experiences for me."
He turned towards me, a gentle smile on his face, awaiting what I had to say next.
"I've been offered a ride to Thiruvananthapuram with a group of British tourists. They're going through Munnar, and there's this tea making contest…” I explained, my words trailing off, unsure of how he'd take it.
Dr. Aravind listened attentively, then nodded understandingly. "Pandi, I'm glad you found another way to continue your journey. It's important to seize such unique opportunities when they come your way. You have a beautiful talent for connecting with people and Munnar is a beautiful place”.
His response was comforting, but what he was pointing to truly cemented my decision. There was a small quote by Proust at the bottom of the leaflet I had been handing out all day.
“The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”
These words echoed in my mind as the bus pulled away from the station. A sense of freedom and anticipation coursed through me. Finding a seat, the bumpy trip began, the noise of Indian traffic and the exhausting events of the day caught up to me and I drifted off to sleep…
Thanks
Grok and ChatGPT were used to create the storyboards for this scene. Including providing some alternatives for Dr. Aravind’s sage words that led us to use the Proust quote
