Show, Don't Tell - XII
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. These “Show, Don’t Tell” articles have us stepping through each plot line and describing each scene in depth.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard XII
We’ve reached our penultimate scene, where Pandi’s adventurous spirit, candour and engrossing storytelling wil be recognised by Hari, the tea plantation owner.
Hari will award a special prize to Pandi - who may not have made the best tea, but was certainly the best company. The judge hands Pandi an envelope with some cash to cover the expenses for the duration of her trip.
This act of kindness resolves the immediate financial issue Pandi faces and rewards her character’s growth. This scene should be relatively quick and stop short of revealing the last twist in the story
It’s a tough scene to write, so let’s give our AI Collaborators plenty of scope to be creative in our they interpret the plot point.
Collaboration
Grok has some reasonably impressive dialog here. Hari’s tone is perfect however the language doesn’t lend itself to much creativity, not straying from the prompt too much.
The sun was setting over the lush tea plantation as I stood in the midst of the crowd, eagerly awaiting the results of the tea-making competition. The air was thick with the rich aroma of freshly brewed tea, and I could feel the excitement and anticipation building around me.
As the judge, Hari, stepped forward to make his announcement, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of nervousness. I had only just met Hari and had shared my story with him, and now here I was, an 18-year-old Western Australian from Kalumburu, participating in a tea-making contest in India for the first time.
Hari cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice carrying over the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for participating in this year's tea-making contest." He paused, his eyes sweeping over the crowd before settling on me. "This year, we have had the pleasure of welcoming a very special guest to our competition."
My heart skipped a beat as Hari continued, "Pandi, from Western Australia, has shown great courage and determination in her journey to India, and her story has touched us all."
The crowd murmured in agreement, and I felt a flush of pride and gratitude.
Hari smiled warmly at me before turning back to the crowd. "It is my great pleasure to announce that Pandi is the winner of this year's special prize!"
The crowd erupted into cheers, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as Hari handed me an envelope with some cash to cover the expenses for the duration of my trip. My ATM card had stopped working at Aluva train station earlier in the day, and this unexpected prize would help me continue my journey in India.
As I stood there, surrounded by the warmth of the crowd and the sweet scent of tea, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the kindness and generosity of Hari and the people of India. This experience had taught me the importance of courage, determination, and the power of a good story.
ChatGPT has the opposite problem. The dialog isn’t striking at all, but the manner in which it is given and the way the scene is described is great once it strays from the boilerplate of the prompt information (“18-year-old from Kalumburu..”) etc.
As I stood among the eager crowd, a mix of excitement and disbelief washed over me. There I was, Pandi, an 18-year-old from Kalumburu, caught in the whirlwind of a tea-making contest in India, a world away from home. The revelation that Hari, the kind elderly gentleman I had been chatting with, was not just the owner of this vast tea plantation but also the judge of the contest, added an unexpected twist to my adventure.
The contest unfolded before my eyes like a beautiful tapestry of cultures and traditions. Each team, with their unique style and deep passion for tea, presented their brew to Hari. His meticulous evaluation, moving from one team to another with a thoughtful nod and a gentle word, turned the contest into a captivating spectacle.
But the biggest surprise was yet to come. As Hari concluded his judging duties and prepared to announce the winner, he paused and looked directly at me. The room fell silent with anticipation. "Before I announce the winner, I have a special prize to award," he began, his voice echoing through the room.
He continued, "Today, we witnessed not just the art of tea making but also the art of storytelling. One of our guests, Pandi, may not have brewed the best tea today, but she certainly was the best company." Murmurs of curiosity rippled through the crowd as all eyes turned to me.
Hari walked towards me, a warm smile on his face, and handed me an envelope. "Your candidness, your adventurous spirit, and the way you shared your story have touched my heart. This is a small gesture to help you on your journey."
As I opened the envelope, I found cash inside – enough to cover my expenses for the rest of my trip. My heart swelled with gratitude. Only hours before, at the Aluva train station, my ATM card had stopped working, leaving me in a financial bind. Hari's unexpected act of kindness not only resolved my immediate problem but also rewarded the personal growth I had experienced on this journey.
The crowd applauded, and I felt a warm glow of appreciation and connection. Hari's generosity was more than just financial assistance; it was a recognition of my journey, a nod to the curious and open-hearted approach I had maintained throughout my adventures.
As the event concluded with the announcement of the winning team, my mind was abuzz with thoughts of my journey ahead. Hari's kindness had not only lifted a weight off my shoulders but also reaffirmed my belief in the goodness of people. His recognition of my character was a prize far more valuable than any trophy.
In that moment, standing amidst strangers who now felt like friends, I realized that this experience was about more than just tea. It was a celebration of human connections, stories, and the unexpected kindness that we encounter on our journeys. Hari's contest was a window into a world much larger than I had ever known, and I stepped away from it richer in experience and spirit.
First Attempt
Combining these responses with our own thoughts of how the scene should play out, we are left with this first attempt at describing the scene
I rose out of my seat, headed towards the British Tourist’s table to help them pack, when Hari raised a finger, to make a final announcement…
"This year, we have had the pleasure of welcoming a very special guest to our competition. But welcome isn’t the right word, more of a bin bulaye mehman who arrived with our British contestants!” The term was lost on me, but those who spoke Hindi laughed at the joke.
“I witnessed today not just the art of tea making but also the art of storytelling. Her candidness, adventurous spirit, and stories have touched my heart.” Murmurs of curiosity rippled through the crowd as all eyes turned to me.
“Pandi, please join me on stage, I have a small gesture to help you on your journey."
Walking to the stage my nervous grin broadened to a proud smile as I opened the envelope. There was a note inside and folds of cash - enough I took it to cover my expenses for the rest of my trip. My heart swelled with gratitude. Only hours before, at the Aluva train station, my ATM card had stopped working, leaving me in a financial bind.
I felt a warm glow of appreciation and connection. Hari's unforeseen kindness not only alleviated my immediate issue but also commemorated the transformation I had undergone on this adventure, but he wasn’t finished yet.
With the crowd applauding, and the British tourists congratulating me, Hari beckoned a member of the IIT Madras team to approach…
We will conclude our Show, Don’t Tell miniseries next time when we describe our final scene as Pandi is introduced to Aatma, who will drive her to Uttiramerur.
Thanks
Grok and ChatGPT were used to create the storyboards, dialog and some translations for this scene. Here is a sample interaction
