Show, Don't Tell - XIII
Use vivid descriptions and actions to convey emotions and events, avoiding direct statements
In this series we are attempting to write a short story with the assistance of generative AI tools. Familiarise yourself with the narrative overview before reading on. These “Show, Don’t Tell” articles have us stepping through each plot line and describing each scene in depth.
We’ve covered Setting, Theme, Conflict, Points of View, Character Development for the protagonist, character development for secondary characters and plot in previous articles.
Storyboard XIII
We’ve reached the final of the thirteen plot lines in our short story. All that is left is to conclude our narrative.
We want to do this in a way that leaves the reader wanting more.
Just following Hari awarding Pandi with a special prize, Hari’s extra help is to introduce her to Aatma who is instructed to drive Pandi on a 10 hour drive to Uttiramerur.
We imagine Aatma to be the judge’s son. His role suggests a sense of responsibility and connection to the judge. The instruction to accompany Pandi indicates a potential for interpersonal dynamics and shared experiences between the two characters during the journey.
From the beginning we’ve always imagined this as a meet-cute scene that could be referenced in a larger narrative, so we want to leave any descriptions of Aatma to a minimum, but we want a final action, descriptor or quote from either Aatma or Pandi to leave the reader wanting more.
We would like the story to attend abruptly, enhancing this effect.
One way that this could happen would be Aatma starts a conversation with Pandi on a topic she was thinking about at the start of the story on the train.
We will discuss this in depth in our next article on Dialogue.
Collaboration
Let’s see how our collaborative AI helpers conclude our narrative
Grok approaches this with a standard fluttering heart. This isn’t quite what we were after. We probably want to avoid this type of ending which doesn’t match with our intent.
The excitement of the tea-making contest still lingered in the air as the crowd began to disperse. Hari, the elderly tea plantation owner, approached me with a smile and introduced me to his son, Aatma.
"Pandi, I would like you to meet my son, Aatma," Hari said, gesturing to the tall, handsome young man beside him. "He will be your guide on the next leg of your journey."
Aatma grinned, his eyes sparkling with adventure. "I hear you're quite the storyteller, Pandi. I look forward to hearing more of your tales on our drive to Uttiramerur."
I couldn't help but smile back, my heart fluttering at the thought of spending the next ten hours with this charming stranger. "I can't wait to share more of my adventures with you, Aatma," I replied, feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation for what lay ahead.
As we climbed into Aatma's car and set off on our journey, I couldn't help but wonder what other surprises and twists this adventure had in store for me. One thing was for sure - this was just the beginning of a tale that would leave readers wanting more.
Some alternative endings from Grok only seem to depend the clichés
"Looks like the stars have aligned for Aatma and Pandi to embark on a journey of endless adventures and laughter."
"As fate would have it, Aatma and Pandi are now inseparable, ready to create unforgettable memories together."
"Aatma and Pandi's paths have finally crossed, and now they're set to explore the world hand in hand."
"The universe has conspired to bring Aatma and Pandi together, and their story is just beginning."
"It's clear that Aatma and Pandi are meant to be, and their future holds countless moments of joy and discovery."
ChatGPT does a much better job in describing the scene, subtly introducing the new character and neatly creating some hesitant dialog. As mentioned earlier, we will work through the final dialog in a future article, but ChatGPT has done a good job here describing the scene.
The sun was beginning its descent, casting a golden hue over the tea plantation as the contest came to a close. I, Pandi, stood there, still holding the envelope Hari had given me, feeling a blend of elation and disbelief. The cash inside it was a generous gift, but more than that, it was a recognition of my journey, my stories, my very essence.
As the crowd began to disperse, Hari approached me once more, this time not alone. Beside him was a young man, his features strikingly similar to Hari's. "Pandi, I'd like you to meet Aatma, my son," he introduced. Aatma's gaze was kind, his smile gentle, mirroring the warmth I had come to associate with Hari.
"Aatma will be your companion for your journey to Uttiramerur," Hari continued, a twinkle in his eye. "He knows the roads well and will ensure you reach safely."
I turned to Aatma, slightly taken aback by this new development. The journey to Uttiramerur had been a distant goal, almost a dream, and now it was becoming a reality, with a companion I had just met.
Aatma extended his hand, "It's an honor to accompany you, Pandi. I've heard much about your adventures." His voice was calm, imbued with a quiet strength.
As we walked towards the car, the plantation fading behind us, Aatma broke the silence, "So, Pandi, tell me about Kalumburu." His tone was genuinely curious, inviting me into a conversation, into a new chapter of my journey.
I smiled, opening up to the road ahead, to the stories yet to be told. And just as I began to speak, the scene faded, leaving the road to Uttiramerur a path filled with possibilities and the promise of new stories to be woven in the tapestry of my adventures.
Some optional endings give us some extra ideas to think about
As Aatma started the car, he glanced over with a playful smile and said, "Well, Pandi, looks like we've got quite the journey ahead of us. Let's make it one to remember."
"Buckle up, Pandi," Aatma said, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Our adventure to Uttiramerur is just the beginning. I have a feeling this is going to be an unforgettable trip."
"You know, Pandi, they say every journey has a story," Aatma mused as he turned the ignition. "I can't wait to see what story ours will tell."
As the engine hummed to life, Aatma turned to Pandi and said warmly, "I've never been a guide to someone with such an adventurous spirit. Something tells me this ride will be more than just a drive to Uttiramerur."
"Pandi, as we head to Uttiramerur, let's make each mile count," Aatma proposed with a hopeful look. "Who knows what stories we'll share and memories we'll create along the way."
First Attempt
Pandi, I'd like you to meet Aatma, my son". Aatma's gaze was kind, his smile gentle, mirroring the warmth I had come to associate with Hari.
"If you would like, Aatma will be your companion for your journey to Uttiramerur," Hari continued, a twinkle in his eye. "He knows the roads well and will ensure you reach safely."
I turned to Aatma, slightly taken aback by this new development. The journey to Uttiramerur had been a distant goal, almost a dream, and now it was becoming a reality, with a companion I had just met.
Feeling a mix of gratitude and excitement about the new turn of events, I approach the group of British tourists to inform them of my change in plans.
Drawing the attention of the British tourists, I smile and say "I wanted to say thank you so much for your company and for inviting me to join you on the bus. It's been wonderful getting to know you all."
She pauses for a moment, her smile widening. "But it looks like my journey is taking an unexpected turn. Hari, the tea plantation owner, has arranged for his son Aatma to drive me to Uttiramerur. It's an opportunity I just can't pass up."
The tourists nod in understanding, some expressing their well-wishes. "I'm going to miss traveling with you guys," Pandi continues, "but I'm excited about this new adventure. I hope we cross paths again someday."
With heartfelt goodbyes and a few hugs, the tourists wish Pandi luck on her continued journey. Pandi, feeling a surge of anticipation for the road ahead, turns to join Aatma, ready to embark on the next chapter of her adventure.
I spent some trime to freshen up and reorgnise the contents of my backpack. After farwelling Hari, Aatma and I walked towards a car, the plantation fading behind us.
Aatma casually reached out to feel the leaves on a row of verdant bushes and broke the silence, "So, Pandi, tell me about Kalumburu." His tone was genuinely curious, inviting me into a conversation, into a new chapter of my journey.
I smiled, opening up to the road ahead, to the stories yet to be told. And just as I began to speak, the scene faded, leaving the road to Uttiramerur a path filled with possibilities and the promise of new stories to be woven in the tapestry of my adventures.
Thanks
Midjouney, Grok and ChatGPT were used to generate the storyboards for this scene. A sample interaction is shown below
